Saturday, February 21, 2009

Marriage, Families, and this and that...

<---Michael, the love of my life!

My husband and I were watching Cosby last night and Dr. Huxtible's parents were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. We started talking about our marriage. It will be our 30th anniversary on August 11th this year.

What a remarkable, great journey we have been blessed to travel together so far.

We decided that in spite of our differences, we have done pretty well together.

We are of different upbringings, and faiths, and we see the world quite differently at times. In fact, we decided that if we ever signed up on one of those 'Online Dating' things they advertise on TV all the time, we would NEVER have been 'matched on compatibility' or however they score those dumb things!

Our greatest common ground is our enduring love for one another. Man, I love him - just looking at his photo still makes me melt just a little. He means the world to me in so many ways. I just want to be with him for eternity and beyond!

That might sound, I don't know, 'sweet' and 'romantic', and perhaps it is, but it goes so much deeper than that. We have stayed together through the fun and the trials (and we have had our share), through the joys and laughter and indeed the pains of mortality.

You might say our marriage IS a bed of roses. Roses are beautiful, they smell wonderful, but they have thorns. Beware of the thorns, and all couples have them. You know what they are, those negative trigger points. The key is to NOT grab at those thorns.

In 30 years of marriage, I can honestly say that we have never gone to sleep angry at each other. When we were married, Mike's Aunt and Uncle told us never to go to bed angry and it was the best bit of advice.

If you and your spouse have gone to bed angry at one another in the past, start doing better today. Don't allow it to happen ever again.

Something else we have learned. Don't bring up past fights, or words said in anger. Better yet, shut your mouth and don't say things in the first place that you will regret later -- although that is easier said than done!

And by the way, in spite of an old 70's flick; 'Love DOES mean having to say you are sorry' if it will heal a wound. And say it quickly, don't let it fester.

This life is such a blink in eternity.

Bring the Lord into your marriage, let Him abide there. Turn to Him for help.

We only have one day at a time to live. Choose today to tell your husband how much you love him. Compliment him on something that you love about him but rarely say anything about it.

Maybe he always takes the garbage out and never complains about it. Tell him how grateful you are, maybe say it as YOU take the garbage out for him today.

Do kind things for your spouse EVERY single day.
Think of HIM or HER and don't let this day pass without doing something special just for your spouse. It might be that you make his favorite supper, or you open the door for him for a change, or write him a little love note and put it on the bathroom mirror.

When we were first married I used to tape little love notes on the toilet seat, like, under it, so when he lifted it he would see it. Yeah - for various reasons, including that he is blind as a bat without his glasses in the AM, I stopped doing that. I still do however, write how much I love him on the foggy mirror for when he showers. :)

He used to work late often, or be on trips for work and come home late, and I always put a love note on the table for him to read when he came home. Sometimes I still put one on his pillow. We also never go to sleep without telling each other how much we love them.

Do things together.

This has been hard at times for us as we have rarely had any money to splurge on luxuries like dinner out, or a vacation for just the two of us. (I dream of Hawaii someday, just the two of us- never hurts to dream.)

And most of our married life it was me at home alone with the kids, day in and day out, while he worked to pay the bills, and I babysat for others and started small home-businesses to help out financially.

We never totally forgot about 'us' though and that's vital. We garden together and we love to go to those gardening nurseries, even if it's just to smell the flowers and look and dream. Mike made me the most wonderful square foot raised garden last fall and I am planting seeds in this already - I LOVE IT!! Thank you Mike. :)

We love to watch Star Trek - any of the series - so I rent DVDs from the library for free, and we will watch those together. We like to walk together. And we read in bed together at night when the house is quiet.

NOW Families... I love my kids!

I really love my kids. There is probably nothing I wouldn't do to help my children. The hardest key for me now, is to keep my concerned nose out of their business, especially the married kids.

Mike and I have made so many mistakes along this thorny path, and as I watch them head towards the same mistakes I just want to yell out 'STOP' to spare them the pains, but I can't.

Teach them truths when they are little, pray for them every single day, and let them learn on their own later.

When they are little, have fun with them! Let them get dirty and make a mess. You do know that's why the good Lord invented soap right? Take them to Church, teach them about your beliefs, live your beliefs!
* Create fun moments with them. Some of the fun moments I recall with my children...
* Coloring with them
* Reading with them and to them
* Having 'Cosby night' every Thursday night... the boys would get bathed and in their jammies, and I'd make popcorn and we would watch Cosby together as Mike worked late on Thursdays
* Going to yard sales! So much fun!
* Playing 'Pooh Sticks' over the little streams on any bridge we could find.
* Going up to grandpa's cottage on Georgian Bay - picnics and boating and fishing and... I miss those days so much.
* Going up in the desert hills here with Mike and the girls to find fossils and pretty rocks.

There are many more. Make your own memories and special times with your children before they are grown and gone, and that really does happen quickly just like people say.

Well, sit back and relax and enjoy these old "Mormon commercials" from the 70s and 80s - I wasn't even a member of the Church back then, but I remember these. The one with the little guy trying to eat his breakfast and crying still makes me cry for him.

Do HUG THE ONES YOU LOVE TODAY!! Life is good, make it even better.


HilsGal said...

WOW 30 years. That is wonderful. I don't think Gary and I will make it to 30. In 2 weeks is our 6th. We are thanking the Lord every day, that he brought me into his life. And HE was working on it, even so I wanted nothing to do with him. I was too busy.

Another thing: A tip for people who are planning to get married: Don't go into a marriage with the thought, what can I get out of it. Go with the thought, what can I put into it. If you give 100% of yourself, you get 200% back. My mission in life is to make my husbands life as pleasant as I possible can. We don't know, how long we still have him/her around.

Lulu said...

30 years thats awesome Bev...
You have such great faith, i admire that so much..
have a great weekend..

Archangel_Baw said...

I so Love your Blogs Bev, And What you said about NOT grabbing the thorns totally applies to me! I'm a thorn grabber, I'm not sure why, but I don't have the functions Of Forgiving & forgetting, I try so hard, and No can do! lol But your blog helped me to look at my life, and my behavior with a totally different perspective. Thank you so Much for Posting your feelings, You are Very inspirational to people like me who get caught up in the less than imporatant details of life!
Blessings, Love & Light!